What is with me? i'm asking honestly here?

I've started cutting again but it's not enough. so i've added on starving myself but still it ain't enough so now i'm doing those two and smacking the **** outta myself. not kidding i'm gonna have a bruise on my face. and i slapped so hard i hurt my neck and it made me bite on the inside of my mouth so hard it bled.and after i got done smacking myself i just sat there laughing hysterically. so i'm wondering what's wrong with me. i hardly feel anymore. happiness is short lived. Anger comes quickly Sadness seems boring and i feel blank empty like some kind of doll. and when i do this stuff a little voice in my head says at least it's something. I know i need therapy but i have to wait until my parents have the money. Should i push that? is it more urgent than when we get around to it? so anyone have any ideas?